Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
