Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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