Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
