There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
