The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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