And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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