i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
