Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
