So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
