It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
