I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
