Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
