How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
