Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
