Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The struggles of a small town man whore
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
