Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
