Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
