you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
