She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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