like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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