Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
