he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i drank out of a bidet.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize