I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
