I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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