I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
