apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
