Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
