Non-Jews are for practice
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
