White coat. Heels.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
