its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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