Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
