I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think your dad took our porno
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
