Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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