your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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