My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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