From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
