My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
