life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
