how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I will be naked everywhere
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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