i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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