yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
