Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
