it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
