don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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