I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
