You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
