You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
