just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
