he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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