I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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