he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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