I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
