Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
