That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
