pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
