I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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