Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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