So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't deserve a penis
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
