She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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