hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize