Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
