Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
