Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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