I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
