There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
