suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
