What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
