Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
