Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
